Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Unanswered questions and the “what if’s……”


I have debated and thought all day about this and whether I should include it as a blog posting or not. But, this blog is turning out to be more than quilts and retreats, it is a diary and record of my life and so I shall attempt to put today’s thoughts into words. As I posted earlier, I was up early with lots to do. I knew what the date was, so there has been lots of thinking today. Today would have been my husband’s 62nd birthday. Today was a day to wonder about so many things. Not that I don’t think these things on other days, but the special dates, like birthdays, anniversaries, and the date of his passing are different days. I was going along ok, keeping busy and passing the time. Then a message from my daughter and a posting on facebook brought the memories, and tears, flooding in.

As a family, we all have so many unanswered questions, and wonder whether, if we had done this, or said that, could it have been different. There is that sense of failure, and all those regrets. How could we have made him want to stay? There is sadness, sorrow, grieving and yes, there is anger too. All the reassurance in the world did not make any difference. Depression and anxiety are real illnesses and very much misunderstood. There are no easy answers, and I miss him. And it is hard to live with, both for the person and their families. I know that he is at peace now, and I can have peace that God is in control and will bring us comfort and strength if we trust in Him.


Top photo was at my 40th birthday, so is 20 years ago, and the photo below is him with GD2, who is almost 14 now.




On a lighter note, I finally finished piecing the quilt top today, and it is all ready to be loaded onto Max in the morning. And then the binding to be done, and it can be posted off to it’s owner. Do hope she likes it.


And another bright moment in my day was the arrival of a parcel addressed to me. In the tin, were 2 little birds. They are friendship birds from a special kindred friend for me to put on the mantelpiece at The Sanctuary. Thankyou so much, it cheered me up today when I needed it. Not sure what they are made out of, but are very heavy.


Over and out, time for bed, it’s been a long day, and hot, hot again. Tomorrow will be about 40 and then it’s cooler with the hope of some rain!!

Blessings, From Jude


Michele Hill said...

Big hugs beautiful friend xx

Christina said...

Wish I could be there to give you a cuddle lovely friend.

jfoster8 said...

That's hard Judy....

Sue SA said...

So nice that you received such a special gift at a time you needed a lift. Hope you get the rain this afternoon and not the lightening.

Susan Smith said...

Lots of huggles and understanding. Talk to you soon. Those two little birds are not made of Jet? Probably not as it isn't all that heavy. Take care and do hope we get that rain. It's already 35 here now.

Linda Steele said...

There are no answers and what ifs are a waste of time. Doesn't make it easier though. xxx